This is a Failed Blog

'And that's why the horses need horseshoes. Have you kids ever seen a horseshoe? What is a horseshoe? Are there any horsesocks? Is anyone listening to me?'


Ummm, so to that one lone reader out there who clicks in to check out the 'Ordinary Story' as enticing as it sounds to begin with: Please feel free to stop checking with us, because Doug, Ram, and I are incredibly lazy bastards and we've really accomplished nothing with this blog that we originally intended to. Perhaps one day. One bright shining, shimmering, splendid day, our quality writing brain powers will mold together and concentrate on the glory we foresaw in the early origin of this blog's conceptual creation and then later in its profound and enlivening birth.

But for now my friend, literally, the one friend, whomever is reading this, please feel free to take leave from your bold and under-appreciated daily watch over this promising, yet pitiful blog. For you are indeed paying it more heed than we the writers and forefathers ever have. Perhaps down the road, in a week, or maybe a month, you will randomly check back in to realize the writing, and further, the blog value, has exploded into glory and is now an exciting and lavanous volcano full of witty, entertaining, and alluring blog entries of hot ass magma. Until then however, you are dismissed, as we cannot provide the super, balltastic, and awe-inspiring blog we initially promised, at this moment. It turns out, we don't really like to write that much, or use our brain power for anything except understanding intelligent comedies and fortune cookies, and possibly coming up with zingers to burn one another good. I don't even know how I wrote this particular blog. I kind of blacked out there for a moment. And so, without further ado:

Douggy boy, your momma's so fat, she's on BOFE sides of the family.


now, mind your head.

That's a lotta hooch

If only we could find underground passages with terrorists in them instead of weed.

Well, pray your local dealer didn't know anybody who knew anybody in Mexico.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11045234/

Try Surviving in Jail Ya Stupid Bitch

It's official. You don't have to be smart, clever, or crafty to win on 'Survivor'.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11023392/

......dumbass.

There's a Bathroom On the Right

Tonight, I just realized is Friday the 13th. Which is very creepy when you become aware of it. I almost let it pass me by. You probably wouldn’t have realized either. But guess what. It is. Something’s going down tonight. Yessiree Bob. You can bet the bottom dollar of your stack of chips that an event worth the craziness and randomness of Friday the 13th will occur this evening. It’s coming, I’m telling you. Oh, you’re not into that superstitious stuff? Well that’s cool. You’re entitled to your opinion (I guess). I’ll just talk to you later then. ……see ya…..byyyyyyye. ………

BUT WHAT IF I TOLD YOU that tonight is ALSO a FULL MOON!!! Ho Hoooooo! NOW try to be calm, cool, collected. Things are gonna go crazy tonight! I’m talking like Beyonce crazy. Up will be down. Left will be wrong. Dogs and cats will get along. BABIES WILL SHIT THEIR DIAPERS! Just keep your eye out, is all I’m saying.

LET THE RECORD SHOW that this is ALSO The Ordinary Story’s 13th posted blog!!!! LOOOKOUT I tell ya. Nothing this crazy will ever happen again…… for like at least a few years. So make sure to pay attention tonight. There’s a huge circus of a crazy night coming up!
If you’re a scaredy balls, then don’t go out tonight. There’s a bad moon on the rise. If you like an adventurous creepy night of bizarre occurrences, then by all means make it happen tonight. Just remember, shake your ass………but watch yourself.

12th post

.......Brokeback Mountain.

Layout Changes.

OK so apparantly the previous color scheme used was making people's eyes burst into flames or something so I applied some metaphorical eye balm. Hope that helps.

Talk Shows.

Continuing my theme of posting about sleazy talk shows I will now describe the best momments of these talk shows. A top five list, as it were:

5) When a person finds out they have been dating a transexual.
4) When fights break out.
3) When slutty teens get yelled at for being slutty by big black men.
2) Mothers with fat babies being idiots, "He eat what I eat, I do what I want!"
1) Paternity tests when the obnoxious mother is 1000% sure some poor guy is the father and he isn't! Especially good when they compare the face of the baby to the guy, "oh he has his nose and eyes". (Also good when it's like the 4th different guy she is SURE of.)


"Looka him and looka him......Canchu see they da sam?! HE the baby's daddy! LOOKA HIM and LOOKA HIM!!!"

T.O. has B.O.

So deoderant is a funny thing. It's been invented specifically to apply to the underarm because that is where we smell the most on our bodies. Women smell too. But this will be the last time I mention that to myself because we in society rarely notice it. First of all, because women generally have better showering schedules than men. This is for a few reasons, but an example would be that women need to plan to give themselves time to shower, straighten their hair (or whatever women are doing these days), apply make-up, apply nice smelling agents strategically, go through many drafts of clothing ideas, and then get ready to go. Men need to watch 3 straight episodes of sportscenter (while they are actually all the same episode) and then find his shoes before a woman gets mad at him for being lazy. Now these are unfair generalizations I know. But my thesis on this blog is not.

This is that women not only prepare themselves to not smell so much, but most importantly, use full potential of their underarm deoderant (which can be titled "secret" because it's so confidential that we usually have no way of knowing they have deoderant on). Men's deoderant should be called "loud" or "obvious" in this case, because while women not only do not perspire or smell as much as men, they also (usually) don't have underarm hair because they were careful to remove it in the long, getting ready process I mentioned earlier. Men ofcourse, (better) have at least some underarm hair, if not a forest. The reason I mention this is because it occurred to me that while men apply deoderant as the quickest and easiest way of removing or masking odor, we are not actually "applying" it like we think. You see, that whole region of hair is covering an important area of skin where pores release odor. The deoderant is meant to be applied to skin so that (like women), the odor becomes a deoderant scented aroma, which is not actually an odor at all. Instead, men end up smelling like B.O. scented deoderant, which is technically an oxymoron, I know, but what do you want from me?

So you see, women actually are much smarter than men at being sweet smelling and attractive. Obviously, that's no "secret" though, it's just that I recently figured out one of the reasons. Does this mean I'm going to shave my armpits? You bet your ass I will not. But, a salute to women and the fact that they strive to be as sexy and good smelling and non hairy as possible, as we males like them. All the while, being attracted to and getting with smelly guys who do not take any particular care of their body. It's all a beautiful, almost natural thing. Thank god for double standards.

Springer.

This has been thought about many time by many people but I cannot understand how the "unknowing" people go onto Jerry Springer. I just saw an episode where poor victims found out their boy/girlfriend was a transvestite. It's so painfully obvious to everyone, first of all, that the person is a transvestite. Second of all, the significant other always walks out onto the stage with just an eager anticipation like they might only be there to get a box of candy or something. You know if your on Jerry Springer, shit is going to hit the fan somehow. I would go through every possible horrible situation possible to figure out what why exactly I was there. If there was the smallest doubt in my mind that my girlfriend was a man and I happened to be going on Jerry Springer, that would pretty much confirm it. I would walk out on stage with such a look of dread. This all is under the assumption that most of Springer is real because I know people are stupid.